Undecided.

I fear I may be getting old. It seems I have a very short span of time to do "things." I'm twenty three, I have a one year lease on an apartment, and a job. Going back to the apartment, I sometimes (seldom and fleetingly) feel a little trapped with the whole one-year-lease thing. As my great Mama told me once, "you will do big things." I would like to live up to this. Is living in the city, working as an Account Executive, "big?" Possibly. It could be. I'm not complaining, it is, in theory, a glamorous and fun lifestyle. I do enjoy Europe though. I always pictured myself gallivanting in Europe post-University. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way disappointed with how i live or my life thus far. There are pangs sometimes though. Not pangs of disappointment, they are, more specifically, what I like to call Europe Pangs. Lately I have also developed a fondness for the Australians. In any case, I simply feel there is not enough time for all I want to do. I truly would like to live in Europe for roughly a year. But I am living in the city for a year now. And in 2 or 3 years I will have to start looking for a husband, and the best place to do this is New York. It is logical and practical. So when does Europe fit in? Next year? Will I quit my job and move there? What about all my stuff? My bed, my brand new bed? What exactly will i do in Europe? Where in Europe? Will I be too homesick without my family or friends? Again, what exactly will i be doing in Europe? However, what is most important is, in 10 years, will I look back on my life and regret not gallivanting in Europe for a year? I am undecided about many things, but i am sure the answer to that is a resounding YES. yes, i would be disappointed. because when else can i do something like that? I feel like everything is happenining NOW. It's my 20's...i need to do...stuff. Going to Europe for a year is unpractical and it pains me to say that it will probbbably not happen. (exaggerated 'b's done purposely). Right now I just don't know. I do love my aparmtent though. I can see the Empire State Building from my bedroom. Don't you just love the Empire State Building? It is absolutely my favorite building in the whole wide world. It really is. I feel so empowered whenever i see it or walk by it. It sounds cliche, but it makes me feel like the world is all mine for the taking. I Love New York. And Paris. End.